"I Can Hardly Believe It!"

I still can't believe it! I mean....I REALLY don't believe it! I remember it like it was yesterday. I was sitting in the second to the last row at church semi- paying attention and when the Pastor said, "Little Lillian do you sing?" I was taken by COMPLETE SURPRISE... Do I sing? Uh...NO!!! But between vigorously shaking my head and my mother nudging me forward and me giving her a strong side eye, I was called to the pulpit. I remember saying, " I guess I can't refuse in God's House" while walking up to the front of the church wishing the ground would open up and swallow me whole;but help never came.

I began sharing my testimony and finished it with a shaky version of "Encourage Yourself" by Donald Lawrence because that was the basis of my testimony. In spite of everything that had happened to me over the past two years, I HAD to learn to encourage myself. I had searched and found no friend like Jesus. I was TOO pumped over the Kingdom and excited about what He had done for me. It was the strangest thing, while I was talking to the congregation, the Spirit whispered to me "Turn around and ask if you can bring the Word." Me? The self-proclaimed professional cussa? Bring the Word??? Naw!!!

You know how you missed a golden opportunity, that you hope hasn't TOTALLY passed you by? It was just like that! I remember walking back to my seat thinking I REALLY messed up this time. But what an awesome God I serve! I got back to my seat and the Pastor said, " If I would've known you had such a powerful Word, I would've let you preach. Next time you're in town we'll let you preach." I moved home three months later and was too excited for my opportunity to deliver my first sermon. The minute the Pastor said he wanted me to speak, I already knew who, and what I would talk about. I remember wanting to ONLY speak for 20-30 minutes, but I was preaching for 53minutes. My first sermon was about my favorite spiritual heroine; Hannah. I just love her! Her life is my life! Her testimony became my testimony! I know everything about her life because at one point I just KNEW God would bless me like He blessed her with a child. I was excited, nervous, geeked, anxious, and any other range of emotions one could feel about to deliver God's Word. That is an AWESOME privilege.

The day came with such nervousness, I thought I might "fake" sickness to get out of it. I had prepared my sermon "Hannah: A Portrait of Faith" and invited my family and best friends from high school to embark on what would change my life forever. I became empowered! I became enlightend! I became hungry for more of God's Word and wanted more of Him like never before. Imediately people began speculating that I should go into ministry.Me?!?!?!...NEGATIVE!!!! Asking me had I thought about it...HECK NO!!!! I remember telling God that if this was something He wanted me to do that He would make it possible for me to preach again in exactly one year, and He did. Of course I chunked it up as a coincidence, and not the possiblitiy of His being in TOTAL control of the universe as well as my lame life. LOL

I left everything I knew to be familiar in my beloved Houston to become a nurse, NOT a minister. But isn't it just like God to show us His ways are NOT our ways. His thoughts are NOT our thoughts. His plan is NOT our plan. CLEARLY! Six months ago, my Pastor took me and three other people to visit the campus of San Francisco Theological Seminary, and for the past six months, it has been a constant naw on my mind about being in ministry. I'm scared! God says, I have NOT given you the Spirit of fear, but one of power, love and a strong mind (2 Timothy 1:7). I don't know if I can learn Hebrew and Greek. God says, You can do ANYTHING! You are MY child (Philippians 4:13). I'm nervous-He says When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overtake you; when thou walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, neither shall the flame kindle upon thee (Isaiah 43:2). WOW God! Next Sunday will be my sixth sermon since March 2008, and I'm still in awe of how it how began. Jonah ran from God, and STILL God accomplished His purpose and plan. I do NOT want to run from God or the things He has revealed to me, but in my fraility and humanness, I can NOT believe it. The same way He is using me, He can and will use you. Do NOT allow your mindset to keep you back from the awesome plan God has for you and your life. And while I never doubted I could preach, I NEVER would've put myself in a position to be used in this way. But now after months of my one-sided argument with myself, I am exicted about the call on my life and only want to walk worthy of the call that Paul speaks about in Ephesians 4: 1-7. God Bless!